


the sun is always shining when i'm with you

by KismetWorks



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: (I'm really not), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Hurt/Comfort, I would like to say, I'm Sorry, Jealous Lucifer, Linda tries to help, Lucifer is stubborn, Lucifer-centric, Sick Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Trixie Decker & Lucifer Morningstar Bonding, Trixie Decker & Lucifer Morningstar Friendship, Unrequited Love, and scared, first of all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-16 21:02:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16502672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KismetWorks/pseuds/KismetWorks
Summary: Daf·fo·dil/ˈdafəˌdil/A bulbous plant that typically bears bright yellow flowers with a long trumpet-shaped center (corona).Meanings: Regard; Unrequited Love; You're the Only One; The Sun is Always Shining When I'm with You





	the sun is always shining when i'm with you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I haven't written in a long time, but honestly? this show just grabbed me by the balls and it hasn't let go since I finished watching, so here I am, this is my formal letter of surrender to Lucifer.  
> Also, this isn't the type of pairing I usually write (read: straight) so this is uncharted territory for me, please be nice to me.  
> I got this idea while I was sleep deprived and overloaded with work, takes place throughout a few episodes from season 2 and season 3 because I apparently love pain, so there will, of course, be spoilers for pretty much the whole series.  
> Before you, dear reader, put yourself through this I just want you to know that I am sorry, but I would absolutely love to hear if and what made you cry and/or suffer, so comments (even if they are just yelling at me for putting you through this pain) are very much appreciated, as are kudos.  
> Now, off you go, enjoy!

Life as an immortal celestial being hadn't been "easy" per se, what with the rebelling fiasco and being cast into hell, but after eons of being down there, coming up to earth had felt like a breath of fresh air.

Until the Devil himself developed _feelings_ , that is, and with his newly acquired vulnerability, feeling something other than anger, lust or sadness was confusing at best and completely overwhelming at most. These horrid feelings that had sprouted thanks to a certain blonde Detective certainly affected Lucifer on a daily basis, that beautifully alluring Detective with her sharp wit and unshakable sense of right and wrong, with her undeniable determination and endearing stubbornness, all of the common yet unique traits that made her be Chloe Decker, the woman who managed to charm the actual Devil and make him feel so strongly for her, that irreparably and indisputably attached him to her.

Lucifer was so fond of the Detective that even when his lungs started aching with every breath he took, he just couldn't stay away.

And sure, his flirting started off as playful, teasing. This evolved into wanting to prove himself, to win a trophy of sorts, to keep his dignity and ego intact because surely no one could _possibly_ reject him. What started as a game developed into genuine feelings that he didn't know how to deal with, let alone manifest rationally, so he didn't. In fact, he only realized his own romantic feelings because of Linda, the ever-so-patient therapist was there to guide him through it, which only goes to show that patience really _is_ a virtue.

Lucifer had kept things going like usual, hoping that if he slept with enough people his newly found feelings would somehow disappear or at least dull until he could ignore them or hold them off until Chloe actually reciprocated. 

When he started feeling pangs in his chest he thought nothing of it, ignoring the pain as it was barely noticeable at first anyway.

After all, it could just have been guilt for standing Chloe up, right after he'd realized she was his _home_ and the strength of his feelings for her. He'd expected her to be angry with him, maybe even resentful but she'd turned right around and surprised him by defending him at the stand and burying the whole case regarding her father's murderer in  _his_ defense. His chest felt lighter and even more so when she accepted his apology in the form of the meal he owed her.

Everything was going perfectly until they were _interrupted_ and he was left alone once again, a familiar pressure building in his chest that he pointedly ignored, which only kept on growing every time the Detective rejected him once again, her biting remarks about how their moment had been a mistake hurting him deeply and leaving lasting damage that not even Lucifer knew about, back then.

His pining was barely noticeable from an outsider's point of view, even if everyone he knew was aware of the romantic feelings between the pair, but once the party ended and he was all alone up in his penthouse he couldn't help but think about the scenarios that could happen if he were to confess, to ask the Detective out seriously and bare himself to her, he wondered if she'd run, if she would accept him completely; surely she'd have to be insane to do so.

Until that one fateful day on the beach, the day when the Detective listened to him rant about how she deserved _better,_ someone  _worthy of her,_ and when he finished she'd just agreed with him and kissed him softly right afterward, thus marking the start of a budding relationship.

And it was good while it lasted, he was so incredibly happy, he felt invincible. His lungs and heart expanded and he was happy to share the news with the people closest to him.

But things never did go well for Lucifer Morningstar. There was always another shoe waiting to drop, another revelation to be made aware of. So when it happened, he wasn't surprised, but he was hurt nonetheless.

He should've known that it was his Father's doing, everything always is. The ache in his chest started returning, little by little, and when Chloe's life was endangered he'd gone to literal hell and back to save her, and it was a combination of his realization about the lengths he was willing to go for her and where she came from that ultimately drove him away.

And Lucifer tried to stay away, the Devil was planning to stay in Sin City for the rest of time, but the Detective's pull on him was too strong. So he'd done the second best thing in his eyes, he drove her away instead, it had been the best decision for both of their sakes, even if watching Chloe's face when Candy walked in had made his chest constrict painfully and he'd had trouble breathing since.

His chest ached, progressively getting more and more painful, and to make matters worse he was hurting the Detective too. So he decided to come clean, to tell her the truth, he trusted her, and she needed to know that.

Yet, once again, things never went well for Lucifer Morningstar.

Lucifer woke up in the desert with his wings back, and if that wasn't bad enough, finding out that he'd lost his Devil face was the icing on the cake, his Father certainly had a twisted sense of humor when it came to anything related to him. How lovely.

So he'd gone back to Los Angeles, with the goal of finding out who kidnapped him and how they'd put his wings back on him. He hadn't expected the Detective's reaction to his arrival, nor had he expected to find out that the new Lieutenant was actually Cain, who in turn was responsible for his kidnapping, but not for his wings. And so he decided to help Cain in his quest to mortality, but as Chloe grew closer to the man she knew as Pierce, Lucifer's chest became more and more painful by the day.

It was when he saw her look at Pierce with a special look in her eyes, one she'd once directed at Lucifer himself instead, that his lungs contracted and he'd rushed out of the station only to have a coughing fit in his Corvette.

He tried to rationalize the situation, maybe he'd swallowed wrong and since he was near the Detective he choked, but when Lucifer finally stopped coughing he looked down at his hands to see three little daffodil petals sitting on top of them and as his breathing went back to its normal rhythm, he knew there was something unmistakably wrong with him .

* * *

 He went to the one person that could possibly help, who could bring him at least some semblance of comfort in his time of need. 

Dr. Linda Martin's office was the place where he could share most of the things that were on his mind and vent without the fear of being judged, of being feared. She was both his doctor and his friend, at least he considered her as such.

And as his friend, she was bound to worry when Lucifer showed up at her office with a frantic look in his eyes.

"Lucifer? We don't have a session scheduled for today, is everything alright?" She inquired with worry seeping into her tone as she watched Lucifer enter her office and sat on her couch.

"Well, Linda, as much as I would like to quell your worries and say that I'm just dropping by for a little chat, I'm afraid I can't do that," Lucifer said, tone light as he tried and failed to diffuse Linda's tension, "I fear I might be sick, Doctor."

"Lucifer, I keep telling you I'm not that kind of physician!"

"I know, but just-" he cut off and took a deep breath, "Just hear me out, alright?"

Linda nodded and Lucifer reached into the pocket of his suit and pulled out the petals, showing them to Linda.

"I didn't know where else to go," he said quietly, sounding almost scared, "I coughed them up earlier and came here right away."

"You- you _coughed them up?_ " Dr. Martin exclaimed, eyes widening in realization, "Lucifer, you can't possibly mean-"

"I'm afraid so, Linda," he cut her off, "I appear to have caught Hanahaki disease."

The doctor sat down in front of Lucifer, searching for the right words to tell him, to reassure him that he would be okay. After a while she opened her mouth, having regained the ability to speak.

"Lucifer, is this about Chloe?"

"I can't fault the Detective for having charmed me, but it does seem to be the main factor in my illness, yes."

And so Linda walked him through it, from the point where his chest started hurting to where he was now, how it correlated with Chloe and their relationship, how it made him feel, emotionally instead of physically. She told the Devil he should tell Chloe, for she had the right to know and maybe they could get through this together, he could still be cured.

He refused, for this was a burden he had to deal with in his own, he couldn't interfere with Chloe's life like that.

* * *

 The Detective and he got assigned a new case.

Things didn't go back to how they were, especially considering the fact that Pierce decided he'd trail along with the pair on their latest cases, so the atmosphere is equal parts tense and awkward once they get to the crime scene.

"Hey, guys!" Ella greeted with a smile, "so, our victim here had his heart very precisely removed out of his chest,” She gesticulated while she spoke, “It was then replaced with flowers, done postmortem, minor signs of struggle.”

"Do we have a murder weapon?" The Detective asked, her brows furrowed.

"Nope, no prints either, whoever did it knew what they were doing."

"Alright, we'll take a look around, tell us if you find anything."

* * *

 The case was more difficult than anyone first imagined, they were now dealing with a serial killer on the loose, the four victims had no connection other than the fact that they were all attractive and single, two of the victims were female and two of them were males, Chloe had been staying late at the precinct trying to find a lead for days, and Lucifer had been doing his best to support and help her, bringing her coffee and all but dragging her back to her house when it got too late and she was almost falling asleep at her desk.

"You are not going to find anything if you can't even keep your eyes open, Detective, please go home," Lucifer had told her once, concern noticeable in his eyes and his hand on her shoulder. Chloe nodded and let him take her home, knowing that she needed some rest.

And as they were leaving the precinct, Pierce's voice broke through the comfortable silence the pair had fallen into as he said, "I'll take it from here, Lucifer, that's enough."

While Pierce walked towards Chloe's car with his arm around her shoulders and Chloe leaned against him, she faintly heard Lucifer cough behind them.

The next morning, they had a breakthrough in their case, there was a particular person that appeared on every single crime scene and security footage of the respective places of death on the day of each of the victim's deaths, making her the prime suspect for their ongoing case.

Her name was Rebecca Davis, she was a cardiac surgeon at the Medical Center, and she was not talking.

"Alright, Lucifer, I'm sending you in," Chloe announced, making Lucifer straighten up immediately and head for the door.

"Why are you sending _him_ in?" Pierce protested.

"Because he's the best shot we have at getting a confession and because I trust my partner, Lieutenant," the Detective said, leveling her gaze as she looked Pierce in the eye, "go, Lucifer, you got this."

Lucifer smiled, even though she couldn't see him, "With pleasure, Detective."

As he walked into the interrogation room, the doctor's eyes stared at him with an ice-cold stare, he sat down in front of her and smiled pleasantly.

"Well, Doctor Davis, fancy telling me why you killed those people?" 

"I'm not saying anything without my lawyer," The doctor said in lieu of an answer.

The Devil sighed and stood up to walk around the table and perch himself on it, closer to the suspect and looking directly into her eyes with his back to the double-sided mirror in the room.

"Let's try that again, shall we? Tell me, Rebecca Davis, what is it you truly desire, hm?" He leaned in closer, "What did you have to gain from killing them?"

Rebecca tried resisting, she tried to stay quiet, "I-" 

"Come on, you know you want to tell me."

"I wanted to punish them," it was like the words were forced out of her at first, but they started flowing more smoothly as she continued, "I wanted them to be gone because of what happened to my sister."

"To your sister?" Lucifer raised his brows, "What happened to her?"

"Sh-she died. A month ago," Rebecca drew in a shaky breath as she stared at the table in front of her, "It was Hanahaki, she loved someone and he treated her like dirt in return, Rachel was my best friend, so full of light and love and no one ever appreciated her," she lifted her eyes and looked the Devil straight in the eye, eyes glistening with unshed tears, "No one but me."

Lucifer felt his stomach drop, and his battered lungs did their best to inhale and conceal a slight cough.

"That was your first victim, correct?" Lucifer asked and Rebecca nodded, "What about the rest of them?"

"They were vain, selfish, so many people tried to get close to them just to be thrown away like trash, I couldn't let anyone go through what my sister went through."

"What exactly did this disease do to your sister?"

"Her lungs started hurting," Dr. Davis started, "Rachel complained about her whole chest hurting sometimes, then she started having trouble breathing, like her lungs couldn't expand anymore," her voice wavered as she spoke, "Then, the coughing started," The doctor started to shake, "She'd have these awful coughing fits, end up with a handful of flowers, I think they were camellias, always pink and red," she closed her eyes for a moment, as if to gather strength, "In her last few months, when she'd cough, the flowers would be stained with... with blood, and she'd go out of breath very quickly, as if her body just couldn't keep up anymore," The doctor was crying by this point, "Rachel died in her sleep, she choked on the flowers and didn't even have the strength to fight it anymore."

Lucifer left the crying woman in the interrogation room, barely noticing two other cops enter to take her away. Lightheaded, he left the precinct and went to his car, he could feel a coughing fit coming on and he didn't want to do it in the middle of the busy precinct.

He'd also needed some air because as much as he didn't want to say it, the Devil does not lie and at that moment in time, he was scared.

Barely having time to get into his car, the coughing started, almost like it was punched out of him. When it finally subsided, he took a burning breath and lifted his gaze, only to meet an all too familiar set of eyes gazing right back at him with worry etched deep into them.

"Lucifer?" 

"Detective," he rasped, "What brings you out here today?"

"Are you okay? That cough sounds pretty rough," She spoke gently as she got closer to the car.

"This cough is definitely rough, yes," he let his eyes drift away for a moment until he felt one of her hands gently touch his face, gently removing something from the corner of his mouth.

"Is... Is this a petal, Lucifer?" He froze as she asked, still looking away, "Lucifer, look at me," she waited until he met her eyes again, "A-are you sick?"

The Devil said nothing, for he would not lie but also wouldn't tell his Detective the truth.

A sharp intake of breath from Chloe, a sad quirk of her lips as her eyes started swelling with tears she refused to let fall, his silence was all the answer she needed, "Lucifer, who? how could this happen to you-"

"It hardly matters, Detective, I'll be fine in no time."

"How can you say that?! Lucifer you could die!"

"I will be fine, Detective, this is all but temporary," he tried his best to reassure her, "I assure you, I have it under control and am working on it as best I can," he smiled softly at her, hoping to calm her and himself at the same time.

"Lucifer, you have to promise me that if you feel yourself getting worse you'll tell me right away."

"I promise you, Detective, it won't come to that."

* * *

 After Chloe found out that Lucifer was ill, she did her best to check in with her partner more often, she cared for him, after all, this made the fits a bit rarer, but the pain in his chest was certainly still there, and it bloomed even stronger when Lucifer saw the Detective making eyes at Pierce in the middle of the precinct. That special look was supposed to be directed at _him_ , not Cain.

And if Lucifer thought that getting shot in the leg had been painful, the flowers that just _won't stop blooming_ in his chest was so very close to agony he didn't know how he could stand it. The pressure in his chest made it harder and harder to breathe, and with every breath he took his lungs burned as if he was inhaling smoke straight out of an exhaust pipe.

But even that could _never_ compare to the feeling of seeing Chloe dressed up and ready for a date with Pierce, so when he showed up at her doorstep ready to take care of her spawn and saw the Detective opening her door looking as beautiful as ever, with a special glint to her eyes that betrayed just how happy and excited she was for her upcoming date, all Lucifer could do to avoid collapsing right there and then was push his feelings as far down as they could possibly go, take a deep breath into his battered lungs and ignore the slight but incessant prickling behind his eyes as he smiled.

"You look ravishing, Detective," He'd said in lieu of a greeting, hoping his eyes wouldn't betray him should they somehow reveal his feelings.

"Thank you, Lucifer, and thanks for watching Trixie tonight," Chloe smiled softly at him, "I'm sorry for asking you in such a short notice, it's just that our babysitter isn't available tonight and with Dan at a conference..." She trailed off, "I would have asked Maze but I have no idea where she is since she stopped talking to me," the corners of her mouth turned down slightly as she recalled their mutual friend, she really was starting to get worried, she hadn't heard from Maze in days.

"It's really no problem, Detective, surely the little urchin can't be harder to contain than the demons I had to deal with back in Hell," They walked into the house together, to where Trixie was sitting at the dinner table, apparently doing her homework.

The child looked up and smiled sweetly when she saw Lucifer, greeting him enthusiastically.

"Hello, child," Lucifer answered, face softening slightly as he looked down at the girl.

"Well, I should get going now," The Detective announced, turning towards her front door, "Marcus is waiting for me right outside, be good, both of you."

"As always, Detective," Lucifer flashed a smile at her.

"Call me if anything happens, take care," With that, the Detective went out the door, leaving Lucifer alone with Trixie.

The Devil followed Chloe's instructions as best he could, making sure Trixie finished all her homework and had dinner before letting her watch TV, in a few hours, the pair had fallen into a comfortable silence sitting in the living room.

The child turned towards Lucifer as the movie they were watching ended.

"Yes, spawn?" He sighed, turning the TV off for he had a feeling this would be a long conversation.

"Lucifer, do you like mommy's boyfriend?"

He drew in a breath sharply at the words, having not expected the effect they would have on him, his eyes stared straight ahead.

"Well, my opinion hardly matters, now does it?" He said, dodging the question, "After all, it is your mother's business and hers alone."

"Yeah, but is he _nice_?" Trixie pressed, "Because I haven't seen him a lot, but mommy says he is, but..." 

"But what, child?"

"I like that he makes mommy happy, but he's _off,_ " Her tiny face scrunched up as she frowned, "I don't know, he just feels _off_ to me."

"Well, child, I can't quell your doubts, but I can promise you this," He was looking at her now, trying to convey as much sincerity as he could in his eyes, "If he does anything to try and hurt your mother, I promise you, I will stop him and send him straight to Hell where he belongs."

The girl looked at him for a moment, looking for something in his expression and appearing to have found it because she smiled brightly and nodded.

"Okay!" She said, "I trust you, Lucifer," She threw her arms around his middle and buried her face in his stomach, "Thank you for protecting mommy."

He hesitated for a moment before putting his hands on her back, accepting the hug.

"Of course, Beatrice," he patted her back, "You protect the people you care about."

As she hugged him, the man began to cough, progressively sounding worse, and so the little girl did the only thing that came to mind. She rushed to the kitchen for a glass of water and back to pat Lucifer's back gently, the way her mom always did when she had a bad cough.

When his coughing finally subsided, Trixie was rubbing circles soothingly on Lucifer's back. He straightened back up and cleared his throat, accepting the glass offered to him.

"Thank you, spawn."

"Lucifer, are you sick?" Trixie inquired, "Why are you coughing flowers? Are you okay?"

He looked at the child, whose features were etched deep with worry, concern marking her furrowed brow.

"I _am_ sick, child, but you must not worry about me," Lucifer started, "It will stop soon."

"My teacher said that when someone loves somebody very much but the other person doesn't love them back they could get sick and start coughing up flowers," The child rambled, "She said it was called Hana- Hanu-"

"Hanahaki disease, child."

"Yes! And, well, my teacher said people could die from it," Concern was ingrained in her brown eyes, "You're not gonna die, are you, Lucifer? Promise me you won't die."

"Child..." Lucifer's voice faltered, "You know I do not lie, and that I do not make promises I can't keep," He searched for the adequate words to provide her comfort, "So I will promise you this instead: I will do my best to get better, for it's all I can do," His breath hitched as he inhaled, "If you promise me in return that you will not tell your mother about what happened."

The girl seemed to weigh her options before nodding and hugging the man close to her again, this time shedding a few tears of worry over her friend's well-being.

Lucifer returned the hug, shedding some small but genuine tears of his own.

 The pair fell asleep on the couch, Lucifer had been getting tired very easily as of late and Trixie only had so much energy in her tiny body, so when the Detective got back home she found the two fast asleep, the man having somehow managed to fit his entirety into her living room couch with her daughter between him and the back of the couch, one arm curled around her protectively.

The sight touched her heart, causing it to skip a beat as she smiled lovingly at them, covering them with a blanket and hoping Lucifer's neck wouldn't hurt too much in the morning.

* * *

 As Chloe's relationship with Lieutenant Pierce developed, Lucifer couldn't help but notice the fact that his Detective certainly seemed... _happier_. She obviously fancied him, and, much to Lucifer's dismay, Pierced naturally returned her feelings.

He didn't know what hurt more, the flowers growing in his lungs or the misery he felt when he saw the couple at the department. At this point in time, if you asked Lucifer Morningstar what was more painful between agony or misery, he would've answered that he would rather go through millennia of agony than spend one more moment feeling the sheer misery he was experiencing then.

After all, if the Devil thought he knew misery, it was merely distress compared to what he felt when he saw the Detective willing to try with Pierce the way he wishes she'd do with him.

So he responded to it the only way he could, the only way he knew.

By being petty, to mask the hurt he felt.

He could feel the flowers growing, deep in his lungs, not quite feeling them yet, the roots not having settled just yet. But deep breaths were definitely getting more difficult, more painful. He was out of breath often, his throat rasped when he spoke.

It was even worse when he knew that Pierce's feelings weren't genuine; when Lucifer knew that Pierce was merely using the Detective for his own benefit. How the Detective didn't notice he did not know, but it was awful to watch her fall for his tricks when Pierce couldn't care less about her.

When Lucifer _did_. When he cared, and when he'd go to incredible lengths to ensure her happiness and safety.

And he'd tried to tell her, to show her that the Lieutenant wasn't good, that he only cared about himself. The only thing this accomplished was pissing the Detective off.

"Since you brought it up, let me tell you what I think about Marcus: he is a good man who treats me right. And I'm happy, Lucifer," She'd answered, looking at him with a mixture of hurt and anger, and she'd left right afterward.

Left him alone with his thoughts.

When he went back to his penthouse it was a combination of sleep deprivation and deep emotional distress that finally broke him. Amenadiel certainly couldn't help him, Father knew where Maze was, and Linda could only tell him to "Talk with the Detective," "Stop repressing your emotions," and "Please get some sleep, Lucifer, you look dead on your feet," which left him right where he started. 

He'd felt like a taut string ready to snap, he was running on paranoia and distress and he was about to have a breakdown at any given moment, so when he finally did, his penthouse had suffered the consequences, and thus had ended up looking like how he felt inside. 

To top his awful week off, once he finally saw Maze again, she'd spilled everything, telling him how she'd betrayed him, hurting him just to keep him away from the Detective a little while longer. When he'd finally gotten to her, she'd been staring blankly at nothing, an unmistakable sadness in her eyes that snapped something within him. He felt a rage so strong in her behalf that he saw red.

He only came back to himself when he noticed Cain's mark was gone. 

* * *

 As bad as he felt about it, he couldn't help the sliver of hope that bloomed within him once Chloe wasn't with Pierce anymore, so he'd done his best to sweep the Detective off her feet.

But to his eternal chagrin, Pierce was trying to win her back, too.

So as a last resort, Lucifer invited Chloe to his penthouse, he prepared her dinner and tried to pull himself together for long enough to express his thoughts to her.

While his lungs ached, his chest felt tighter for a completely different reason. _Nerves_ , he conceded, Chloe Jane Decker, who sat before him, the only woman to make the Devil himself so nervous his hands shook and his heart pounded.

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to ask her a question.

The completely, indisputably _wrong question_.

As the Detective cried and asked him why he was doing this, why he cared who she was with, his whole body, his very being screamed and ached with the need for him to tell her the truth. That he cared because she was important to him; because she was special.

Because she was his _home_.

And because he loved her.

But alas, fear won in the end. His self-doubt prevented him from saying what he so desperately longed to confess, and he deflected the question, telling her that she deserved someone better.

And the Detective had left, telling him something he knew, yet couldn't —wouldn't— acknowledge.

That he couldn't have it both ways.

So he collapsed on his piano bench and poured his soul out the only way he knew.

The flowers in his chest grew and expanded with every breath he took, making him try to cough them out desperately. But even that couldn't take his mind off from what could have been if he'd had the courage to pursue it.

He knew very well and later acknowledged, that the only thing he'd needed to do was tell the Detective how he felt, and yet there was always something stopping him.

His Devil face, his Father's will, a plethora of excuses that he used more than once. Even when he knew that the real, underlying reason for his refusal to share his feelings was far from the excuses he gave when asked. He was scared of rejection, of Chloe shutting him away. Of losing her.

So when Linda came to his penthouse and didn't buy his repeated excuses, instead asking him what he, the Devil, truly desired, he reached deep into himself for his most truthful and honest answer and said the words he'd kept to himself but longed to share for so long.

_"I want her to choose me."_

* * *

 Life as an immortal celestial being hadn't been completely _easy_ , with what had happened to him when all he'd wanted was freedom, but after eons of being in actual Hell, coming up to earth had felt like a breath of fresh air.

And as the Devil experienced what free will was, he discovered that will itself varied in different situations, for someone could be willing and determined to do something, to see something through, and that will could carry them through all the hardships they were faced with.

While will was incredibly strong and fairly easily summoned, it could be broken just as easily.

So while his determination carried him to the Detective's house, and his will was strong enough that he really thought that was the night when he'd finally tell her the truth about how he felt, how important she was to him.

It was all shattered when he saw Marcus Pierce descend on one knee in front of Chloe, who smiled in return as her eyes filled with happy tears, unlike they had back at Lucifer's penthouse, and answered to Pierce's question with a delighted _yes_.

Feeling lightheaded, he managed to get back to his penthouse and stumble to his personal bar, his mind swimming, and his head hurting. He tried to breathe in deeply but found that he was unable to, reeling from the shock and hurt of witnessing his Detective, his _partner_ elated at the idea of spending the rest of her life with none other than Marcus Pierce, _Cain_ , instead of someone who deserved her, who cared deeply for her.

Instead of _him_.

With a sound akin to that of a wounded animal he let his head fall forward into his hands, the heels of his hands pressing onto his damp eyes. Breathing shallowly but heavily, he ran his hands through his hair, mussing it up in the process, and tried to get himself back together. His vision was swimming, his hands were shaking and once he stood up to look for his phone in order to call Linda, he almost toppled over.

Coughing violently, he finally found his phone, and as he dialed the number, his chest felt like it was caving in, and if he managed to focus for long enough, he could very faintly feel the flowers ingrain their roots in his lungs. 

As the phone rung and Lucifer stopped coughing, he looked down at the petals he'd expelled and wasn't surprised when he found they were splattered with blood.

The doctor answered on the second ring.

"Linda, how are you doing?" Lucifer choked out, throat burning as he spoke, "I'm afraid I might have a little _health issue_."

"Lucifer? Are you at your place?" When he breathed out his confirmation she continued, "I'm on my way."

Once Linda arrived, Lucifer was slumped on the floor next to his piano, looking like he would keel over at any moment.

Concerned, she rushed to his side, frantically asking him what was wrong, surely if he had told Chloe what he felt she'd reciprocated, there was no reason for the blood splatters around his mouth. He was supposed to have been cured by then.

"It seems I was too late," Lucifer responded, smiling sadly, "The Detective is going to marry that-" He cut himself off with what sounded like a cross between a cough and a sob, "Well, it hardly matters what I think of him, since the Detective is so enamored with him I might as well think nothing."

Linda sat back and inspected him, looked closely at the dark circles under his eyes, which were filled with tears he refused to let run free, the pain in his gaze, how Lucifer's lip quivered ever so slightly. The man was as broken as his friend had ever seen him, and it had nothing to do with the disease he suffered from as of late. This was the very picture of heartbreak in its truest, rawest form, and she knew that no words she could conjure up as a therapist would ease the load of pain her friend was dealing with.

So she did the only thing she could think of.

"Oh, Lucifer," she breathed, "Come here," she spread her arms, letting him choose whether he'd accept the embrace or not.

It spoke volumes about how he was feeling that he took one look at her and accepted the hug almost immediately, clinging on to his friend like a lifeline, his whole body shaking, shallow breaths shuddering as he tried to keep himself together. 

* * *

 The illness progressed quicker than anyone had expected, Lucifer grew weaker and weaker as the days passed, and yet he refused to give up on his work as a police consultant.

On the days where he could barely get out of bed and the Detective questioned his sickly demeanor, he attributed it to not sleeping well or having drunk too much, after all, neither was a lie, both situations happening all too often in recent times.

He procrastinated on telling the Detective that he was getting worse until one particular instance where he fainted in the middle of the precinct.

Chloe all but dragged him into an interrogation room as soon as he awoke, quietly freaking out but trying to keep it concealed until they were in private.

"Lucifer you promised you'd tell me when you got worse!"

"I did, so I'm telling you right now: Detective, I fear I might be getting worse."

Chloe looked at him with tears in her eyes, wondering how she hadn't noticed until then how pallid her partner looked, the dark circles under his eyes so purple it looked like he'd gotten beat up, how his cheekbones were sharper, his face slimmer. How the teasing smile he directed at her looked more like a grimace, he looked so _tired_ it broke her heart. She wondered who he felt so strongly about, and how they could reject his feelings when he was so obviously affected.

And it was moments like those that kept Lucifer alive, literally and figuratively speaking. In those moments he felt how much the Detective cared for him when he looked into her azure eyes that so perfectly conveyed the extent of her care, of her worry. If he focused hard enough, he could almost pretend that her blue-grey eyes actually looked at him with _love_.

Pierce broke the moment by entering the interrogation room and motioning for Chloe to follow him out of it, she nodded and with one last concerned look at Lucifer and a "Take care, okay? Go home, call me when you get there," she turned around and left.

It was in those moments that Lucifer remembered where he stood, who he was to the Detective, and the flowers bloomed again.

What also didn't help was that he couldn't go home, but he couldn't tell the Detective that it was because his home had just walked away from him.

So he'd gone home, quietly pondering how and why his Father could be so cruel as to put him through that. Was it to teach him a lesson? Hadn't He punished Lucifer enough? Did He want him back in Hell that badly? Lucifer could only guess that he'd find out soon enough.

And how right he had been, for in a few days he couldn't muster enough strength to get out of bed, his chest wheezing and heaving with the effort of every breath he took, his moves felt sluggish, and he felt so incredibly weak he almost couldn't stand it.

He'd been in and out of sleep for a long time, his dreams being something more akin to memories, and to no one's surprise, they were mostly about Chloe.

_Their first meeting, the first case they worked together, when he first noticed she was different. The first time she saw her on the brink of death, how furious he'd been, how worried.The memory of her telling him she'd never sleep with him, him not believing her._

_Chloe touching the scars on his back. Going from telling him she didn't believe in all that bible stuff to shooting him right in the leg_ , Lucifer smiled as he remembered.

_Him becoming a civilian consultant. Her telling him she liked working with him._

_The fleeting touches, the looks they shared, private smiles here and there, the hugs,_ he remembered how much that had meant to him. How happy it made him, even back then.

_The jealousy._

_Her comforting him when Frank Lawrence died, how she thought he'd needed a friend, cheering him up as best as she could,_ Lucifer smiled sadly at this bittersweet memory.

_The Detective coming on to him when drunk, him saying no._

_"I've been thinking a lot, about the other night," she started, "Why I showed up drunk at your place, why you wouldn't sleep with me, and I think_ us _, our_  thing, _" she regarded him, "Maybe it goes beyond just work or sex, I can let my guard down with you, I don't do it with anyone else," she said, "You make me..._ vulnerable _."_

_He felt his breath catch in his throat as he felt his hand bleed, telling her it was very much the same for him, this vulnerability. Lucifer thought distantly that there was certainly more to this woman than what met the eye._

_Being framed, thinking that the Detective didn't believe him, feeling hurt,_  he grimaced with the memory, the ghost of his feelings still affecting him, _her telling him that she always knew he was innocent,_  his chest felt lighter for a moment, _Malcolm kidnapping Trixie, how worried he'd been, Chloe's concern, getting shot. Praying. Dying and coming back to save Chloe and Trixie._

 _His mother, Uriel, the car crash._ Uriel. He had certainly not forgotten, but the guilt became bearable after some time. _The guilt, the pain. Purposefully putting himself in harm's way. The Detective being there for him, as much as Lucifer pushed her away, telling him she_ needed _him._

_Her protecting Lux, dancing with him, saving what she believed to be his home._

_Standing her up when he realized_ where _his home really was, the trial, defending her in the stand. Her doing the same. The moment they shared after he redeemed himself with dinner, distantly thinking that finally,_ finally _, it was going to happen. Being interrupted._

 _Her rejection afterward, telling him it would be a mistake, the hurt it caused._ Lucifer's chest tightened with the memory.

_The beach, his rambling, their first kiss._

_"Because, well, you're special and I'm... I'm not worth it."_

_"Yeah, you're probably right," she said, smiling, and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him softly._

_"Detective," Lucifer breathed, shocked, not believing that after telling her all the reason why she deserved better, she still chose him._

_Feeling so happy he could burst, it was probably the first time he'd felt such happiness, not being able to keep the smile off his face. Feeling giddy, even, calling her Chloe instead of Detective. Thinking that it was finally_  real _._

With that memory, Linda showed up, seeming pleased at his eyes having a bit of their usual spark back that had been missing for a while then, she stayed for a bit, taking as much care of him as she could and he would allow until he went back to sleep.

_Everything being shattered when he found out his Dad put her in his way._

_Chloe almost dying. The fear he felt when he found her in the bathroom, bleeding, her telling him it wouldn't stop. Her collapsing._

_Dying for her, going to Hell and back for the antidote. Saving her. The way she looked at him in the hospital, asking him if he wanted to pick up where they left off._ Lucifer let a few tears escape, thinking about how things could've been different if he hadn't run.

_He remembered pushing her away, running off to Vegas. Meeting Candy. Conning the Detective, hurting her to let her keep her free will._

_Letting her down. Trying to explain. Her not believing him._ With a grimace, he turned in his bed.

Amenadiel showed up the, face grim as he regarded his little brother, he sat down at the foot of the bed and talked to Lucifer for a while, apologizing for the times he'd wronged him, asking him if, since he had his wings back, he'd return after going to Hell again.

At this Lucifer smiled sadly and shook his head, "Why would I? As it appears, brother, my home does not want me here."

Amenadiel nodded sadly, seeming resigned, and Lucifer went back to sleep.

_Winning her back._

_His mother threatening Chloe at the pier, the visceral fear he felt. Begging Amenadiel for help._

_Chloe telling him to trust her._

_'"Cause at this point, you either trust me or you don't."_

_"Detective, I trust you-"_

_"Look, if you think that I wouldn't forgive you for your mistakes or your flaws, if you think that I don't know who you really are by now, you're wrong," she looked at him, nothing but sincerity in her stare. That's when he knew, he trusted her with anything and everything, and she wholeheartedly believed what she was telling him._

_He remembered the nerves he felt when he was leaving the voicemail, but also the complete trust and faith he had in her, in her not running away or shutting him out. How sick he was of hiding stuff from her, how much he wanted to show her how much he trusted her. Lucifer was ready to show her his Devil face, consequences be damned._

_But he never got to._

Ella showed up then, looking at him with wide, worried eyes. He did his best to smile reassuringly, and that seemed to be what broke her. She started crying, telling him how she didn't want her friend to die, how he was so very important to her. Lucifer flashed a soft, sad smile at her, and opened his arms from where he lay, telling her that "Just this once, Miss Lopez, don't get too used to me initiating these-" but Ella cut him off as she launched herself at him, still rambling about what she thought about him and how it still wasn't too late to get help.

Lucifer noticed then that what everyone said was true, Ella did give pretty good hugs.

He'd miss her and Linda. Lucifer would probably never see them again.

That realization hurt more than he expected, and as much as he'd tried to conceal it, Ella was always good at reading people. She leaned back to look him in the eye and her expression became sadder, somehow, more melancholic.

She told him that the surgery could still be done.

He said that he would rather go with his feelings and memories intact.

She nodded with a sigh and sat next to him as they talked until he fell back to sleep.

_He remembered Pierce, how Chloe had grown interested in him._

_Going to Las Vegas again, coming back to a messy apartment, Chloe asleep on his bed. Telling her everything about why he'd gone without telling her, explaining himself to her seemingly sleeping figure._

_Her waking up and receiving her gift. The explanation he offered for it, and her consequent laughter. How much he liked her laugh, how beautiful she looked when she was happy._

_The Detective hugging him as thanks, the soft moment they shared then._ Lucifer felt some of his strength come back with the good memories, his smile also growing brighter.

_Playing Monopoly with Chloe and Trixie._

_Catching the Sinnerman, the fight they'd had afterward. The hurt in Chloe's voice._

_Her distancing herself from him. Not wanting him near her._

_The prom he arranged for her. Dancing together._

_When the Detective put her life in danger to save who she thought was an ordinary civilian._

_Breaking his promise with Cain, the risk feeling too great._

_Getting stabbed for protecting Chloe. Her fussing over him, him answering that he wasn't worried about himself. The look she gave him at that, full of concern._ He was starting to relax, breathing starting to come easier.

_Her brushing him off for a date with Pierce, looking as happy as ever. Getting closer to Pierce, spending more time at his office, the looks they shared, the special smiles._

_Letting go of her._

_Her happiness with him. Trying to tell her that she can't trust him, Chloe almost saying that she loved him._ The coughing returned trice as strong then, it almost felt like someone had a vice grip around him and his ribs were being crushed.

_Pierce breaking her heart. The hope._

_Seeing Cain propose and Chloe accept with tears of joy in her eyes and a genuine smile._

Lucifer turned over onto his side and curled in on himself, tears budding in his eyes as petals just kept coming out of his mouth, his lungs unable to expand.

His coughing subsided when he no longer had the energy to do it, merely dry-heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

The Detective showed up last, just as dusk started falling, a sad look in her eyes and the corners of her mouth downturned. Lucifer never did like that expression on her.

"Hey," she said softly, sitting next to him, "How are you feeling?"

"Certainly not at my best, darling," he rasped, "But worry not, your mere presence makes me feel better," he tried to pull his signature smile, but apparently didn't succeed, since the Detective started crying softly.

"I'm-I'm sorry, I," she took a deep, shuttering breath as Lucifer tried to sit up, aching to comfort her, "Don't, you have to keep all your strength, don't push yourself."

"Detective, I assure you, sitting up won't do me much more damage."

She said nothing and lied down next to him instead, his arm automatically going around her.

Lucifer could feel her breathing on his neck as she spoke, she told him about everything they'd been through, how much the little details had meant to her, how much he brightened her life up.

"It's like- like the sun is always shining when I'm with you," she said, looking up at him with a soft smile on her face.

He smiled back, feeling tears prickling at the corners of his eyes and laid his head back on the pillow, letting them run freely for once. Chloe held him and rubbed soothing circles on his chest as she cried with him.

And for what seemed like the first time, the Devil wept.

They stayed like that for a while, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, content in their own little bubble.

The elevator dinged, breaking them out of their bubble.

"That must be Marcus," she said, wiping her eyes, thus not noticing the flash of hurt that came upon Lucifer's face, "He brought Trixie, she... she wanted to see you if that's okay."

"Of course it is," Lucifer responded immediately, "The spawn isn't actually that bad."

Said spawn walked into the room alone, her little face scrunched up and obviously holding back tears, and when she saw Lucifer it was like a dam had broken, immediately running up to latch herself to him.

"Lucifer, y-you promised me you'd get better," she'd cried, into his chest, "You never break your promises, you always make good on deals," she whined.

"I did my best, child, as promised," He ran a hand through her hair as the other patted her back consolingly, "For what it's worth, I _am_ sorry-"

"Don't apologize, Lucifer," she said in between sobs, "It's not your fault, I'm just," Trixie's eyes filled with tears again, "I'm really gonna miss you."

Lucifer cupped her face with his hands, drying the tears off her cheeks, "Beatrice," he said, "Whenever you need me, just pray to me and you have my word: I will be there for you."

The girl was still hiccuping, but she nodded and hugged the man tightly again, he hugged her back, hoping to convey how much he'd miss her too, how fiercely he'd miss her.

"I'll miss you, too, Trixie."

She'd fallen asleep clinging to Lucifer, and when Chloe walked back into the room, her daughter's tear-stained face reminder her too much of herself when she'd been a little girl herself.

The Detective picked Trixie up and carried her to Lucifer's couch, then walked back to his room.

He took one look at her hands and started coughing with so much force even Chloe felt his pain.

"Det- Detect- _Chloe_ ," he gasped, "I'm- I'm so sorry, for how I hurt you-" he choked out, tears filling his eyes as he looked at her.

"N-no, Lucifer, you don't have to apologize," she said as she rushed over to his side, taking his face in her hands and brushing his hair out of his forehead.

"Yes, I do," he caught his breath for long enough to form a complete sentence, "I was never worthy, I kept on making mistakes, on hurting you," he drew in a shaky breath, "And for that I'm sorry."

Chloe was crying by this point, "No, Lucifer, you were worth everything," she stated, "You say that you're the Devil, that you're evil, but I know you better than that, okay?" she gazed deep into his eyes, "You're my partner, someone who always has my back, someone that pretends to be shallow and distant to avoid getting hurt, someone who's been through way too many bad things and now he can't believe it when good things happen to him, someone selfless and caring and kind, a gentleman, someone who claims to hate children yet takes one look at my daughter and his eyes light up," she chuckled sadly, "Someone who I trust with my life, because he's proving himself more than worthy."

Lucifer looked up at her, standing at the side of his bed as he lay to rest, and smiled so brightly it made Chloe cry harder, he looked _so happy_ , but his breathing was slowing and his eyes were fluttering closed. Chloe raised her hand and took his pulse, thus confirming her worries, his heartbeat was slowing.

"Lucifer, stay with me, okay?" she said, frantically, "You're gonna be okay."

" _Chloe_ ," he said her name like a prayer, slowed down due to the effort it took for him to speak, "I cannot promise you that we'll see each other again," he smiled sadly as he spoke, "But instead I'll promise that as long as you wear the necklace I gave you, you'll have a part of me with you."

She kept repeating herself, telling him that he'd be okay, but he just maintained the sad smile on his face and took one of her hands in his, the other going up to cup her cheek and wipe her tears away like he'd done with Trixie, Chloe leaned into his touch, squeezing his hand.

"You're special, Chloe Jane Decker," he told her, "Never forget that," his eyes closed, "Bloody things in my lungs won't let me breathe," he coughed, annoyed, "Take care, Chloe, you're a miracle, and you deserve someone worthy-" he choked on the words, "Worthy of your grace."

His breathing slowed down, even more, becoming fainter and fainter, the Detective stayed at his side the whole time, holding his hands, pressing kisses onto his hairline and telling him he'd be okay, that everything would be okay.

And that is how a miracle caused the Devil's demise, only that nobody had expected this demise to be due to heartbreak.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was a ride, I'm sorry again. So sorry.  
> Let's get to the notes!  
> 1\. The meaning of daffodils, as given by thelanguageofflowers.com is "DAFFODIL - Regard; Unrequited Love; You're the Only One; The Sun is Always Shining When I'm with You" which I thought was delightfully painful and so I had to use it  
> 2\. Y'all remember how Lucifer was clueless about his feelings until Linda showed his poor unfortunate soul the way? because I do  
> 3\. There's something about saying that Lucifer is scared that just makes me wanna cry for some reason.  
> 4\. "You protect the people you care about" feelsbadman.jpg  
> 5\. the part right after point 4? FEELSWORSEMAN.JPG  
> 6\. Damn, I really hurt my own feelings  
> 7\. When Cain broke up with Chloe I wanted to beat his ass too ngl  
> 8."I want her to choose me" MAYHAPS I SOBBED  
> 9\. Ok from point 8 on I was devastated  
> 10\. I LOVE LINDA BEING LUCIFER'S FRIEND  
> 11\. HUG THE POOR BOY CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S SUFFERING  
> 12\. "She wondered who he felt so strongly about, and how they could reject his feelings when he was so obviously affected." I'll admit, I laughed pretty evilly when I wrote this line, I love it so much  
> 13\. I had to add those flashbacks in, it was necessary.  
> 14\. Ok, I actually made myself cry I'm,,,,, so sorry for putting you through this


End file.
